Love may be in the air this Valentine’s Day — but across New York City and beyond, so is revenge.
Fed up with ghosters, cheaters and situationships that went nowhere fast, scorned singles are swapping roses for roaches, candlelit dinners for spiritual cleanses, and sweet nothings for some seriously savage payback.
From naming insects after exes to magically “cutting cords,” heartbreak has officially gone feral — and oddly charitable.
Leading the petty parade is an ever-unhinged Valentine’s tradition at the Bronx Zoo, where New Yorkers can name a Madagascar hissing cockroach after a lover, loather or emotional trauma — for just $15.
The classic package comes with a digital certificate proving your chosen name will live on in roach immortality, with proceeds helping wildlife conservation.
Feeling extra dramatic? The zoo ups the ante with a $35 Valentine’s Virtual Encounter, where donors can meet a roach (and a surprise animal guest) live with zoo experts.
And for those who want revenge wrapped in merch, there’s a $70 Mystery Box featuring roach-themed goodies, a printed certificate commemorating the event, and a virtual meet-and-greet with the roach on Feb. 13, 14 or 15.
Sweet, savage or somewhere in between — only New York could turn heartbreak into insect-based philanthropy.
Not to be outdone, online gambling site BetUS is back for the second year in a row, letting dumped daters name a New York City rat after their toxic ex for $15 — then drafting it onto a fictional All-Star rat basketball league.
Participants can spill the tea by submitting breakup horror stories, with the five juiciest earning their rodents a starting lineup spot.
According to BetUS, it’s all about turning emotional damage into squeaky legacy players — proving even heartbreak can have highlight reels.
Meanwhile, across the country (and beyond), revenge is getting surgical.
The trend exploded thanks to animal shelters like Blackwood, New Jersey’s Homeward Bound, which popularized the viral “Neuter Your Ex” fundraiser.
For donations typically ranging from $15 to $50, shelters name feral cats after former flames — then spay or neuter them through Trap-Neuter-Return programs to control community cat populations.
The concept has spread to shelters in Iowa, Florida, Canada and Ireland, blending petty pleasure with actual good deeds.
Because nothing says closure like population control.
Down in Texas, the Gulf Coast Humane Society offers a different approach to … well, dumping on one’s former flame.
For $10, donors can have their ex’s name written on paper and placed in a litter box, where a cat will promptly do what cats do best. And, yes, you even get a photo of the dirty deed, presumably for closure.
Romance is dead — long live the litter box!
The fundraiser supports kitten care, community clinics and food pantries.
And if that’s not enough catharsis for your trampled heart, Alaska and Canada have more grisly offerings.
The “Love Hurts” fundraiser by Bird TLC lets donors name mealworms or rats after exes, which are then fed to birds of prey and corvids.
For $10, a crow or magpie gets the snack. For $50 to $100, a raptor goes full savage. Donors even receive video proof of their revenge being swallowed whole.
